chaos

i had 30 mins of sleep last thursday night. i spent the night in mcdonalds to review for an exam on structural. i did quite well, for the review. i really felt awesome that morning.

i said to myself, nothing is gonna ruin my day.

i spoke too soon.

around 4:45, i left the fastfood to get a jeep to my dormitory. it opens around 5:00 but it's a 20 min ride from where i was.

the jeep waited for other passengers, (i was the first)

and this was my first test

i had to wait an hour. that means i got to the dormitory, around 6:05. my exam starts at 7:00. and i have no sleep. i took a nap for 30 mins then i rushed to my exam.

the exam was second

the first part was pretty easy but the second test was bullshit. it was not hard but i was just too careless. i got the wrong reaction so all of my answers are wrong. that was why i was blaming myself.

then i went to the shopping center with a very close friend. we had to print and photocopy the sigsheet i made for the org. it was due decades ago.

then the third test.

God must be really testing the one thing i really, really lack. patience. another waiting test and another hour.

i went to the dorm with my friend to pick up somethings for an event that night. it's a pageant for straight guys- as girls. don't worry i was not a contender. as i went to the dorm, i had to pass by a friends room. he was the one who planned what our contestants are gonna wear.

the fourth chaotic event.

he told me he has to go home in bulacan. though he promised that he'd be back by five, i was not sure what will gonna happen with their clothes. he told me what to do but because i have no sense in those kind of things, i did not understand.

i went to our tambayan and saw a good number of our members. i can't tell them what to do so we sent an sms to my friend who was supposedly going to bulacan. he told them what to do. and based on the short instructions, we tried working. a great thing happened because my friend suddenly sent an sms saying he wont be going home hurray!

so every body was busy and all until the pageant came. it was fun.

we went home around 11:00 pm and that was the fifth and last.

and yes, it was a test of patience. we had to wait for a jeep.

as i went to sleep, i thought about it, well, i still felt god for that day.

i told you, nothing is gonna ruin my day.

sick of you

Drnk antibiotc
myb amoxicilin or
cefalexin tke it 3x a day. Dnt
drnk cold wtr no
sweets. Rest rest.

im sick. got a fever running and i dont know what to do...
this was one of my futile attempts to get her attention. well, i wasn't expecting anything anyway. i was on the brink of collapsing because of my burning temperature when i sent the message. i guess i just did it because somehow, i feel better that she knows im dying. well i may not be dying but i really felt like one. although i never knew how it felt.

after sending my sos signal, i fell asleep.

after a few hours, i woke up. my phone's blinking. yes i got a message. i forgot i sent her a message. i wasn't expecting to see her name on my phone.

i suddenly felt better. better than ever.

and that was her message.

i smiled. she would've killed me when she finds out. during my sick days, i ate chocolates and drank cold water. i dont think she knows that im that kind of guy. but somehow, i wish she knew. that would be nice.

then i got better. physically.

since i got that message, i had been thinking about her. it would have been better to just stay sick than be healthy. i dont like this feeling.

i hate missing somebody.
i hate the feeling of loneliness because i cant see her.
i hate it.

i hate being sick of you.

0.266667

8 out of 30. yes folks. i got an eight out of thirty for a unit test in history, criticism and theory. funny because i was kinda glad. i was expecting a zero. well i have a good excuse. one: i had slept for only an hour before the test. and yup, i was late. i had to finish a plate on design the night before so i didnt had the chance to glance at my friend's photocopied work. i dont take notes. i prefer to listen. the exam by the way was the type where you're supposed to memorize all this terms and events. shit. im not the memorizing type. why would i memorize something that sooner or later, i would forget? if i was asked to memorize a poem for a play, what use will be the poemtof me after the play? if i were asked to memorize some 5 pages of notes on western architecture, what will be its use to me after the test? after i graduate? well, of course there would be a use. but the condition is that i remember it. which is most likely not gonna happen. there would be a possibility that some actually stays inside this head but then again it might not.

after giving invalid reasons for the stupid score i got. i wil now try my best to convince you that i am perfectly okay.

im okay.

convinced?

I know. maybe im not.

i just found out that i am pushy for most people. i do not understand this. fine. i am denying the fact that i am pushy. they told me that i push them to do things they dont want to do. shit. have you guys ever thought of how you treat me? considering i am not an entity in your perspective, dont you think that it is justifiable that i act this way? by the way. i also found out that i give out this superiority complex to anybody i meet. how dare you compare me to all of you. i do not believe that i am superior to anybody for that matter. i may be better than you in some or most fields but i never said that i was or am superior. but what can i do? it is you who think that i think that i am superior.

im not superior.

im different.

yes. i agree with everyone. i am denying my existence as human. i may be indeed a fertilizer or something far worse. i may even deny my existence. it does no matter. as long as i am different from you. i would never want to be like anybody. yes. it sounds like i feel superior than anyone but its not.

im just different.

thank God.