what is going on my mind right now

my brain is dying from migrain. all senses of mine are malfunctioning. but why the hell am i still writing this stupid words coming out of my collapsing psychotic brain? because i want to. i just want to. after living this day, i am glad i am about to rest. works for the day is done and by my own free will, at last, i could just lay down and play dead. wait. could i actually do that? no. there are things i still have to complete before i rest, missions still yet to be accomplised. departure from the real world is not now but later. why do people have to do what they have to do if they know for a fact that they are gonna die one way or another? is it because they have to do that in order to live? but if that is the case, then why do people have to do what they have to do just because they want to live knowing they're gonna die? is it because they want to live for pleasure? but if that is the case, why do people have to do what they have to do even if they do not like it just because they have to do that in order to live even though they know that they will die just for their own pleasure? isn't it contradicting if you're gonna do something you do not like just to be happy? i guess it all falls back on which what you want more. prefer choosing what you do not like just to have what you want or choosing not to do what you do not like even sacrificing what you want. pepole, this is about doing and getting what you want. what you want is what is important. but that is not that simple. facts like "things not being meant for you" or facts like "this is not the right time" always comes up. i know i am talking nonsense right now but this is what i want. even though this infected thing inside my skull is against what i want. i still keep on doing this. just for the pleasure of living

or maybe...

i am just out of my mind rigt now.

signing off...